Wednesday, April 07, 2010


The delightful Dani Dragonfly has bestowed yet another award and honestly, I am again flattered and grateful (grateful because I was wondering what the hell I was going to blog about) and so thank you ma petit lilubelle! Although I am going to play loose and whacky with the rules, because I'm like that.

So, seven tidbits about me that:
a) I am willing to reveal
b)Won't bore you all to tears
c)Will not incriminate me in any court of law
d)Will not embarrass, shock or awe my family and friends

Hmmmm...not as easy as it seemed at first. Did you know that quickly repeating the phrase 'Honest Scrap' sounds like 'Honest Crap'? So here's some honest crap:

1. I have big ears. They don't stick out (thank heavens!) but they are large and flat and have not been seen in public for some decades now, thanks to having long hair that covers their pancake-like placement on my skull.Despite the fact that they are not beautiful little shell shaped pink orbs, the lobes are pierced and I wear the same pair of earrings for years on end, because why bother with all that frippery if no one ever sees them?

 2. I smoke. And I'm mostly unrepentant about it.I willingly tolerate being a modern day leper and go stand out in the weather to get my fix and don't smoke in my home either. Nor do I smoke a lot...I have been smoking cigarettes for 35 years now, never more than half a pack a day and in the last few years I've made an effort to 'smoke healthy' which means only smoking the first half of a cigarette and being picky about the kind of tobacco and additives that I consume. That said, I would rip The Max's arms off and beat him with the bloody stumps if I ever caught him with a cigarette in his mouth.Would I like all the health benefits that could be mine if I quit? Yeah sure. Am I going to quit? No, not likely. I did quit for a year once, but in all honesty, I like my nicotine...a lot.
(As for smoking any other...uh...substances, I refer you to disclaimer c) above)

3. I'm related to famous dead people. Although I was born in Canada, my parents didn't become Canadian citizens until I was 8 or so and I grew up listening to my grandmother regal me with our 'illustrious' ancestry. Not only am I related to Martin Van Buren, the eighth POTUS but am also eligible to be a Colonial Dame of America because I can trace my ancestry back to the Mayflower. Woo hoo!
(I also grew up never knowing my aunts,uncles, cousins and other relatives because they were in the States and we were...on the Prairie). I learned to sing the American National Anthem before Oh Canada, I still say zee instead of zed and am always mistaken for an American wherever I go...thanks Mom and Dad for that midwestern twang.

4. I am spatially challenged.I have no feel for linear measure, cannot comprehend what it means when someone says a room is 30 x 20 meters and am forever trying to fit large things into small spaces. This is a constant source of amusement for the Big G. Remember on those IQ tests they used to make you take in school there would be a whole section that was devoted to figuring out what shape a flat piece of paper with some lines on it would fold up and form? (actually, does anyone remember IQ tests? Anyone?) I would sit there with my 2B pencil clenched in my sweaty hand, feeling like the village idiot because I wasn't an afficionado of origami, eventually defaulting to randomly guessing at a, b, c or d. Fuck you Mensa, I never wanted to join your little club anyways.

 5. I have a lisp...after some years of speech therapy as a teen it is slight, but I can fall into full-on Thylvethster thpeak after a few glasses of wine. Needless to say, Sylvester is my favorite WB character, despite his unrelenting quest to eat the Tweety Bird.

6. The Max was born at home. This is one of the things I am most proud of and most grateful for. I had been involved with midwifery and had attended a half dozen births or so before I got pregnant and there was never any doubt that I wanted to give birth at home attended by a midwife. Giving birth is a profound experience in any location, but it was wonderful to be in the comfort of my own home, with friends and a truly dedicated, professional and compassionate midwife, Noreen Walker, to support me during labour and celebrate with me after The Max was born. Even if you would never choose to have your baby at home, please support your local midwives, they are caregivers in the most literal sense of the word and can be an asset at any birth, at any location.

7. I love ironing. Shut Up! I love ironing so much I iron the sheets, the tea towels and even t-shirts ( I must add that the nature of clothes dryers here in Switzerland requires that you iron just about everything that falls out of them in a wrinkled, twisted mass).But I find ironing soothing, tranquil and meditative.There's little else when I'm in a crappy mood that can calm me as much as watching all those nasty wrinkles smooth into fresh, warm, flat cloth. Now if only I could achieve this with my skin.

Phew...that was more difficult than I thought it would be, I feel....naked! Now instead of handing this award out to 10 bloggers I'm simply going to list a few blogs and sites that I visit everyday because of their honesty and candour.

Deus Ex Malcontent
Common Dreams
Rants from the Pants
Rainbows! Puppies! Leukemia!

And to wrap it all up, here's Billy Joel:


Danica-Dragonfly said...

Thylvethster? OMG! You are so funny the way you put things sometimes.

Spatially challenged? Hm - that is one thing I am not ... I have an uncanny ability to ... say, figure out if that Christmas tree is gonna fit in the living room - a talent my hubs most certainly does not share... which would explain the fact that my ceilings are scraped to hell and all my furniture had to live in the hall during the holidays ...

Ironing?? Really? I have made peace with wrinkles ... of all kids.

Oh ... I'm sure I missed a bunch a stuff ... all full of coolness ... Midwifery ROCKS!!

You deserved the award.

Enjoy your day, Brite.


Amethyst Anne said...

Oh Brite, you seriously always bring a smile to my face!
I too hide my ears and I nearly lost it ( laughing) when I saw your Dumbo picture because that's what I was called as a kid..
I concur Midwives rock!
But I sooo can't follow you on the ironing, I will avoid it at all costs.
You totally did deserve this!

idleprimate said...

i always soared on those quackola IQ tests, especially in the spatial relations sections. but it has never corresponded to any real world applications.

i cant read a map well(and i am a geography student), never dare take anything apart because i would never get it back together as anything other than sculpture, and have no sense of what furniture will fit in a stairwell or how to pack a truck ( i once got a sofa jammed in such a way that it hung suspended, seemingly mid air in a stairwell. not only did it hover, but it resisted the efforts of several husky men to dislodge it. It lived there for two weeks, surreally defying all intuitive sense of physics, with tenants crawling under it to get by. It finally relinquished its anti-gravity qualities under persuasion of a crowbar).

don't even get me started on how impossible it is to fold a paper airplane.

I love the pictures you select to illustrate your blog with, as well as your language dynamics(writing with punch is a real skill).

kathryn said...

This was a lovely, honest post. Congratulations on your award, sweetie!

I'll bet no-one ever notices your alcohol-induced lisp....they probably think it's just their alcohol-induced hearing...

I know what you mean about ironing! It's something we can control...and the end result is so satisfying!

Danica-Dragonfly said...

I'm having no probs with your page.

Thank heaven!!

Amethyst Anne said...

Came back again, and issues.*whew*